Hello,
It’s updating time.
Things are quite good right now. I’m surprisingly calm about my money situation (despite the fact that the people who I owe money to are actually asking for it back, as in, it’s pretty darn hard not to think about it). But I do have a knot in my stomach. However, I’m really happy that I’m getting better and better at making my way up the emotional scale and so, when I DO feel a bit nervous or scared or sad, the fact that I know that I can feel better, with just a little bit of effort, takes the edge off.
During this blog post, I want to try to get further up the scale. If I can even get to a point where I can just touch number 4 on the scale, which is ‘Positive Expectation/ Belief’, I would be happy. Then once I know I can get there once, on the subject of money, I’ll know I can get there again.
First though, I want to mention a few good things which have happened. To start with, Steve Pavlina made a post in his blog about offering free copies of his book to people who would review them on their blog, if the blog was deemed good enough. Well, I sent an email about it and received a reply today saying that I would receive the book. The deal is that I have to read and review it honestly on my blog. If my review offers something new or is basically informative and well thought out, he will link to it from his blog. Which would be super, to have a link from such a popular site. (Funny, in searching for the url to the above post on Steve’s site, I saw that he just made a new post about raising one’s financial vibration. Cool.) Plus, I get to read his book for free, which I’m looking forward to. You can expect that review sometime in mid-late October.
The other good thing, in respect of money, is that yesterday I was out with my friend, at a bar which we really like. We know all the bar tenders but we always pay for our drinks, of course. Well, so last night we had six cocktails in total and when we went to pay, my friend got talking to one of the bar owners who insisted that we didn’t pay. We ended up giving a 4 euro tip to the bar tenders, and so, we essentially paid just 4 euros for 6 cocktails, which was great.
Oh, and I did get extra translation work unexpectedly. I won’t be paid for that for a while but when I do get paid it will come very much in handy.
So, all that is the good stuff. The bad stuff is still, of course, my being broke. Right now I feel…well, it’s hard to say really. There are bills which I need to pay off RIGHT NOW but when I think about money, but not those bills, I guess I feel just a little impatient. I recall seeing in one of the Abraham videos on YouTube that when trying to fix a vibration, you shouldn’t try to fix any impending situation, such as bills, as you’ll bring that negative vibration with you. I don’t know if I’m explaining that well. But basically, I figure that I shouldn’t try to fix my vibration surrounding those bills, but just about money in general. Those bills make me feel so nervous, so if I can just avoid thinking about them, which I can do, then I should be able to adjust my money vibration, which will bring money in and fix the bill situation anyway.
So, I guess that my feelings on money right now are…I feel impatient. I just want it all to be okay already.
Alright, so, from here I’ll try to get to hope. Pessimism, boredom and contentment don’t appeal to me, and I have successfully gone from frustration to hope, so I figure I can do the same now.
Update
It is now the following day. I didn’t have time to finish this blog post yesterday and in fact, now I feel so much worse. Basically, the lady whom I have to pay rent to, who I live with and actually really like, has just come back from a three week holiday. So now I really have to pay the rent. She hasn’t asked me yet but it’s already the 7th of the month, so I should have already paid. And as I said, I feel truly awful. I have a huge knot in my stomach and on the emotional scale, would truly say that I am at worry. Worry is an awful feeling to have because it actually makes my muscles weak, I just feel like I want to stop being. Not just that I want to hide. Or yes, maybe it makes me want to run away. I actually want to pick up all my stuff and leave, leave my friends, my responsibilities, everything. And I have work to do today but I can’t do it in this state, so I must try to raise my vibrations.
I’m going to try to go to disappointment. In fact, I think I can very easily get to disappointment. Because I truly am intensely disappointed with myself. I have passed so many years in this state of being broke. I am so disappointed that I cannot even pay my own rent, at 26 years of age. I feel really very pathetic. I mean it really is ridiculous. I started this blog about 3 months ago, so that’s how long that I’ve been trying to raise my financial vibration, and yet here I am, still unable to pay my rent, and even worse off now because I actually owe back rent to another person. This is truly awful. Now I will have to tell the woman that I pay rent to that I actually do not have the money. And that I don’t know when I’ll have it. It’s ridiculous, and I feel so disappointed in myself. Sure, I am trying, I’m trying hard, but with no success. And yes, other people certainly have money issues, in fact, my flatmate owes $40,000 in schooling fees, which is incredible. I only owe just under 1,000 euros, which is very little. And actually, I do have that money made, it just isn’t with me yet. (I’m not trying to think positive here, but the odd positive thought does spring up so I’m writing it down.)
So, yes, I do have the 1,000 euros, essentially, it’s just not with me yet. And at least I’m going to my mother’s house soon, in Norway, so if I haven’t paid by then, I won’t have to be around my debtors the whole time. But then, of course, if when I return I still don’t have the money, well, that would be awful. And then the next time my rent would be due would be very soon, so I would have to make even more money, asap. However, I do know that it’s all about my vibrations, and I am working on my vibrations right now. I know that if I can get to positive expectation/belief, then money will appear, possibly even before. And belief is number 4 on the scale, which is seven steps away from where I am. That’s not so much, given that I can leap over certain steps. I mean, I don’t have to go from 8, to 7, to 6, etc…I can go from hopefulness to belief in one bound. And I already to feel a little better, having written through my feelings.
But my work isn’t done yet, not by a long shot, because I still don’t feel good. I still feel fear and I have a knot in my stomach. I don’t know where I am on the emotional scale. It is very hard to feel good knowing that I have to pay money that I don’t have, and I had to pay it seven days ago and I still don’t have it. But, I need to keep reminding myself that my work is not in doing and finding that money, my work is in raising my vibration, which is what I’m slowly doing right now.
But I just can’t get over the fact that I can’t even afford to pay my rent. But I know there is no sense in being hard on myself. The facts are the facts. And, I need not feel bad about it, it doesn’t make me a good person. And I do already know, and fully believe, that it is due to my bad vibrations about money. Although I have been studying the law of attraction for a few months, some things take more time. I can’t expect to fix an issue which I have had for so very long, in just a few months. And yes, I have been practising certain methods, such as visualization, but it is only now that I truly feel that I am on my way to cleaning up my financial vibrations. In these past few months I have been trying to visualize how I want my life to be, but I haven’t really been doing it from a point in the present, in the now. I have been imagining myself in the future but not accepting my situation in the present. Now I feel that I am doing that, and I feel that I am on my way to having a much more positive vibration about money.
In fact, if these debts were not impending, I would feel really quite positive now. I had noted a few days ago that my normal vibration about money was that of nerves, whereas just a day or two ago, I started to think about money and felt frustration, which is quite a step up from nervousness. I know that it feels better because I felt it.
And I have just applied for a short term loan, so maybe I will get that and will be able to pay it back slowly over the next few months. And paying it back wouldn’t be a problem because I know that my financial vibration is rising, so I will have no problems getting another writing job. Also, with that money I would be able to take singing lessons and probably start earning money from that too, because my voice is improving all the time, which I am very excited about.
And I do actually have almost 1,000 euros already made, in the sense that I am waiting for payment from some clients. Okay, it doesn’t look to be coming any time soon, but it could, and many other things could happen too. I could win a couple of hundred, or even thousand, in the lottery; I could find new clients; I could, well, lots of things could happen.
And I already am feeling much better, and that means that much better things are gravitating towards me right now, as I type. I am pulling fabulous situations towards me right now, and they will be all the better and come all the more quickly as I continue this rampage, or this discussion with myself.
Now I feel much better than I did before. I would say that I am feeling optimistic. I will now to that work which I have to do, and then later on I will try to get yet further up the emotional scale. Yayyy!!!











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